Denial

This morning it hit me that even when we have a few days without Alzheimer’s demanding our attention, it is never far from my thoughts.  We live on the edge, the edge between denial and reality and love doesn’t ease the pain.

We are putting off the decisions that have to be made soon and I am aware of that.  Our physician has advised our family to visit some of the assisted living homes in the area.  He has explained that it will help us to narrow our choice down to one or two and, that there will be a waiting list.  He says we cannot wait until there is a crisis and think we can just move Dad into a facility where he will be safe and cared for appropriately.  He says that finding a place where Dad will be content is as much about personalities as it is about facility features.  I know he is right but I am still putting it off.  I suppose that I just don’t want to face the truth – that these places are full of people just like my Dad.  I don’t want my Dad to be like all the others who have Alzheimer’s disease.  Is that crazy?

No, it’s not crazy, it’s denial.  Today I don’t want to admit that my Dad will soon become one of those people who babbles about nothing in particular or, doesn’t speak at all.  I do not want to admit that my Dad will be locked behind doors that only open if you have a key.  Today I am in denial but tomorrow I may have to deal with the reality.  That’s okay with me, for today.

 

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